What to do when you get stuck during a negotiation

Dear WW: I’m involved in a negotiation that seems to be terminally stuck. Both sides are so entrenched in their positions that we’ve had to take a break in the negotiation to give everybody a chance to reconsider. But I still can’t see anyone budging. STUCK IN NEGOTIATING MUCK

Dear Stuck,

Talk about stuck in negotiating muck! I was once stuck in the middle of a negotiation in Thailand-caught between the driver of a Bangkok taxi and the mucky-muck of a big American bank. The mucky-muck was negotiating for a cab ride to our hotel, using every capitalist muscle she could muster-and the driver wasn’t budging. After they’d haggled, red-faced, for a full ten minutes, I pointed out to the banker that she was arguing over was the equivalent of seven cents. She got red-faced all over again and climbed quietly into the cab.

Well, as you’ve pointed out, you don’t have to be in Bangkok to get stuck negotiating. The following strategies will help you in any kind of negotiation, whether with a boss, a customer or even a Bangkok taxi driver. For more information check out Peter Senge’s Fifth Discipline Fieldbook (Currency, 1994).

Do you embrace the impasse? Often, when negotiators get stuck, they deny their own stuckness and keep rehashing their positions. But that only gets them stucker. It’s far better to sit back and say, “we’re stuck!” and then ask, “what do you think we should do about it?”

Do you know where you agree and disagree? Negotiations often sour because the two parties focus exclusively on areas of disagreement. Try focusing instead on your areas of agreement and shared goals. Focusing on the shared goal may highlight a path to get there, and remembering your areas of agreement may make traversing that path easier.

Can you bring in new information? Negotiations break down when the parties hash and rehash their positions, neither side adding anything new. When that happens do some research to bring in new information. If you’re negotiating over a service contract, investigate similar contracts for ideas. If you’re negotiating over salaries, talk to people in other companies to get a sense of comparables. New info almost always jumpstarts negotiations.

Can you ask, “What would change your mind?” It’s the most direct, most basic, question, yet most of us never ask it. More often than not it will open up a negotiating door that you otherwise might never notice.

Do you really listen to the other side’s concerns? All too often in negotiations we’re so busy preparing our rebuttal that we don’t fully hear what the other party said. But active listening-where you actually stop talking and planning and just LISTEN-can enable you to hear those small areas of agreement where deals can be struck.

It’s amazing how often negotiation get bogged down because people lose their common sense over a couple of cents. Keep your eyes on the big picture and you’ll get wherever you want to go.

Working Wounded poll:

What do you do when you get stuck negotiating with someone at work?

• Stuck is okay (I’m on salary), 14.2%
• Pressure them to solve the problem, 31.6%
• Put pressure on myself to solve the problem, 54.1%

Working Wounded strategy:

Our winning strategy for dealing with getting laid off comes from Kelly R. in Tacoma, WA. “When stuck, try focusing on facts instead of presentation or personalities. Get together, write the subject on a white board, brainstorm the root causes for it and brainstorm any and all solutions to combat the root problems. Once you have a board full of causes and solutions it is easier to focus on those words rather than on people or emotion. It makes it easier to move off your own position and also gives facts to spark discussions on aspects that maybe hadn’t been considered before.”

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. Sherrie Campbell is a relationship and business professional, having applied her counseling background in a variety of challenging organizational settings. They’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially if you have better ideas than they do. Also check out their complete column archive at workmash.org, “The Boss’s Survival Guide” and “Gray Matters: The workplace survival guide.” Send your questions or comments to bob@workmash.org.