How to get the most out of a negotiation

Dear WW: I’ve got a big negotiation coming up and I’m really rusty. I haven’t negotiated a contract in decades. Any chance that I could get a quick refresher course? RUSTY

Dear RUSTY,

We can all learn something about negotiations from Doug Stead. In 1996 he got a speeding ticket for $75.

He was incensed because the evidence against came from a camera mounted along the highway. He sued to prove that it should take more than a photo to send him to court. After paying over $75,000 in court costs, Doug has now depleted much of his families savings. Reminds me of the song, “I fought the law and the law won.”

In negotiations, many of us are more like Mr. Stead then we’d care to admit. We get hung up in making a point and lose sight of the bigger picture. This applies at in negotiations, at work and in outside of work. I’ve listed some tips below to help you keep things in perspective next time you need to negotiate. For more, check out “Pushing the Envelope” Harvey McKay (Ballantine, 1998).

Do you see the negotiation as a partnership or a war? It’s a pity that so many negotiation “experts” are stuck on using war and sports metaphors. War is hell, but a negotiation doesn’t have to be. Go in with a different mindset and you’ll often find your more collegial attitude pays off. One way to do this…

Can you leave something on the table? I think this is the best place to start, consciously exploring how you can make the other side look good. Since most business relationships are more than a one shot deal, it’s dangerous to focus just on winning. I know that “win-win” is a horribly over-used term, but look for places to make the other side look good.

Do you avoid fighting over each detail? A negotiation is the sum of many parts. So resist the temptation to go nuclear on each specific detail that you’ve got to negotiate over. See it as a package where you need to give ground on some areas to get what’s most important to you in others. Once you adopt this attitude you’ll be surprised to find how often things that are important to you are less important to them, and visa versa.

Do you take your time? Negotiations are seldom a sprint. That’s why it’s so important to take time to learn about the person and organization that you’re negotiating with. A small amount of bonding on the front end can save a lot of pain later.

Do you avoid talking “out of school”? Remember there is a difference between being collegial and chatty, be very careful about what information that you share with the other side. To quote an old phrase, “Loose lips sink ships.”

Remember, you won’t be in good stead if you follow Mr. Stead’s approach. Rather, use the advice above as your ticket to a better result.

Online Ballot and Contest

Here are the results from a recent workingwounded.com/ABCnews.com online ballot: What is your secret to successful negotiations?

–Try harder, 42.1%

–Try softer, 37.5%

–Try to find someone else to do the negotiation, 20.3%

Working Wounded strategy:

Our winning strategy for successful negotiations comes from Bill S. in Cyberspace. “Most people view negotiations through the lens of a ‘zero sum game,’ which can lead to ‘us v.s. them’ and either/or thinking. Conversely, ‘both/and’ approaches tend to be more cooperative and less confrontational, and thus allow for outcomes which make everyone in the negotiation better off.  They can also be quite creative, although often requiring a negotiator to have taken the time to understand what motivates the folks on the other side of the table!”

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. Sherrie Campbell is a relationship and business professional, having applied her counseling background in a variety of challenging organizational settings. They’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially if you have better ideas than they do. Also check out their complete column archive at workmash.org, “The Boss’s Survival Guide” and “Gray Matters: The workplace survival guide.” Send your questions or comments to bob@workmash.org.