How to deal with a co-worker who acts like your boss

DEAR WW: I have a co-worker who is at the same level in the organization as I am. In fact, I’ve got more seniority. But he continues to boss me around. What can I do? BOSS NOT

DEAR NOT:

I once took a commuter flight from New York to Boston. The person who took my ticket just before I boarded the plane seemed a bit more dressed up than usual. Imagine my surprise when the pilot welcomed us on board and it was the same person who took my ticket. I spent most of the flight hoping it was a pilot who filled in as a ticket taker and not the other way around.

In most cases, the line between boss and employee isn’t this blurred. So you’ve got to do what you can to re-establish who has the right to order you around and who doesn’t. It’s not an easy thing to do. I’ve included some strategies for you below. For more, check out “Jerks At Work” by Ken Lloyd (Career Press, 1999).

Can you stand up to them? I once had a dog trainer explain to me that there were “alpha” dogs and “beta” dogs. Alpha dogs took command, while my poor beta dog would cower in the corner. It’s no different at work. There are alpha employees who can sniff weakness and will try to take advantage of it at every chance they can. You’ve got to learn how to be more assertive when you are working along side these people and learn how to present your ideas more compellingly.

Can you learn from them? This is the painful question. Often you can learn from a jerk. OK, maybe it’s mostly what not to do, but the bottom line is that before you trash them, take a moment to see if there is merit to any of their ideas.

Can you get your boss to put them in their place? This can help over the short term, but the problem is that the boss won’t always be there to protect you. Eventually, you’ll have to deal with this person, one on one. So even with your boss on your side, you’ll need to learn how to pump up your assertiveness muscles.

Can you limit your interactions to when others are around? Again, this is just a patch, but often people will be a bit less of a jerk when other people are around. Sure there are jerks who aren’t limited by who is around them, but often this can take just enough off the top that you might be able to interact successfully with them.

Can you avoid them? There is merit to the 10-foot pole approach. You know, here is the 10-foot pole I’m going to put between this jerk and me. You might be able to avoid this person most of the time at work. The problem is that your nemesis will tend to pop up at the worst times, but this can save you a lot of pain, especially if your boss isn’t in your corner.

Follow these tips and your bumpy flight at work should come to an end.

Working Wounded poll:

What is your strategy for a colleague who acts like your boss?

• Listen and learn, 12 percent
• Challenge and put down, 22.5 percent
• Avoid and tune out, 65.4 percent

Working Wounded strategy:

Our winning strategy for dealing with a bossy coworker comes from J.C. in Los Angeles, Calif.: “I actually listened to the little boss and thanked them for their advice. You could tell that they were totally startled by my respect for what they had to offer. Now this person is a big help to me; they’ve offered me a lot of insight about my job and the company. My strategy is that I’ll always listen to anyone who can help me to do a better job.”
Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. Sherrie Campbell is a relationship and business professional, having applied her counseling background in a variety of challenging organizational settings. They’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially if you have better ideas than they do. Also check out their complete column archive at workmash.org, “The Boss’s Survival Guide” and “Gray Matters: The workplace survival guide.” Send your questions or comments to bob@workmash.org.