How to deal with difficult people at work

Dear WW: These days everyone is difficult-the people I work with, customers, everybody. They are wearing me out. Is there a secret for dealing with difficult people? AT WIT’S END

Dear Wit’s,

Did you catch Jay Leno’s story the other night about the dog that ate $1000? Its owners followed it around for days collecting its droppings, and by the end of the week they’d managed to paste together $960! Well, that made me think of your letter because I, too, hate dealing with difficult people. So what I’ve done is develop a little mantra I can use whenever I’m facing a challenging person. I try to keep my cool, I try to lower my voice, and I repeat inside my head this too shall pass. . .

Actually, having been born and raised in New Jersey, which has more difficult people than the entire Middle East, I’ve learned that there are workable options for defusing difficult people. Here are techniques we use there. Use them at your own risk.

Listen. Dumbo is the patron saint of all good defusers-because the best way to calm a belligerent person is to become all ears.

Reflect back what the person’s saying. Show her you’ve heard her by repeating her words. Knowing she’s been heard will begin to defuse her anger.

Talk quietly. Talk quietly? When someone’s yelling at you? You bet. Your quiet manner will force him to quiet down, too. Within seconds the hostility will have faded from the encounter.

Acknowledge your responsibility. I once tore into a woman in a dry cleaning shop because they’d lost the button to my coat. After I’d ranted for a good three minutes, the woman calmly said, “You’re absolutely

Working Wounded poll:

What would you do if you had to deal with a difficult person?

• Fight ‘em, 13%
• Charm ‘em, 40%
• Forget ‘em, 40%

Working Wounded strategy:

Betty from Edmonds won the prize for: “I must confess, I was the difficult one. I broke a company rule. My boss responded by putting a funny note on the bulletin board. I offended again, another funny note. If he’d confronted me I might have been defensive, but his notes were so humorous and appealing I couldn’t resist or persist.”

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. Sherrie Campbell is a relationship and business professional, having applied her counseling background in a variety of challenging organizational settings. They’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially if you have better ideas than they do. Also check out their complete column archive at workmash.org, “The Boss’s Survival Guide” and “Gray Matters: The workplace survival guide.” Send your questions or comments to bob@workmash.org.